No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
as a side note pls kill me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
