I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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