Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
