I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
