I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
