Having a random hookup so left but love u
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
