he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize