At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
