I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
