No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Randomize
