i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
