Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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