he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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