Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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