And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
