You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
another moral hangover. fuck.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
