wanna go halves on a baby?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize