I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
