okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
