She's JV to your varsity
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
