dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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