I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
