Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
