I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize