You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
