I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
