So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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