You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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