I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
