If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
