i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
