so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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