when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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