I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize