I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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