I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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