WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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