either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
