I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
