i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So much rum. So many feels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize