i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
