Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
