I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
