I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
