It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
