okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
