I'm really into asian looking animals
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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