Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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