Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
only you would photoshop your dick
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
