Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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