I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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