I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
being pregnant is like rehab
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize