I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we're so committed to being not committed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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