you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
