she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
