youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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