tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
