If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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