Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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