So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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