If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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