the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
