today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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