so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
