Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
