my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
