Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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