no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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