So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
