her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
His nipple licking is glorious
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