so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
