so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
