It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
