Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
