you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
