I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
