She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my poor anus
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
