there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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