i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
