My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize