I can text with my tongue
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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