i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
