what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize