dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
