I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
