I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize