Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
