I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
