Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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