i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want to fling myself into the sun
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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