giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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