My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
