I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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