i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my phone needs a breathalizer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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